Tag: Support Group

Living With the Alcoholic That Pushes You Away

An alcoholic can push the person that loves them away. They only need the alcohol and not you. They can become distant and cold. If you love this person, it can be hard to live with or accept. You have to watch the person move farther away from you while you sit and watch. Soon, you are so far back in line that you feel as if you are all alone with no one in your life. This can happen to even the most loving couples. Alcohol does something to the brain and the body that changes a person. They withdrawal from reality and live in their own little world without you.

Never force yourself on the alcoholic if they do not want to be close to you. If the person you love does not want you, there is nothing you can do to change it. The person is not going to change their mind just because you are trying to make things work. You should never try to be with an alcoholic that does not want anything to do with you. This can anger them and makes things unpleasant for both of you. You have to keep your distance and if they want you near, they will tell you. The hardest part is waiting.

Ask for help from a counselor or from a support group. You will start to feel all alone and you need help accepting what is happening to your relationship. Support groups can help you talk things through before you start to doubt yourself. There are people that have experienced the same thing and can help you. They can tell you how it affected them and learn what they did to cope. You can talk about anything because the group is there for you and everyone else. There is always someone that is experiencing the same thing that you are or they have in the past.

Do not feel as if it is your fault that the alcoholic does not want you. Yes, you may have changed, but you have to change when you live with an alcoholic. You are not any less lovable, it is the person that chooses to drink that makes the decisions and you cannot change his or her mind. Just because one person does not want you does not mean that you are any less the person you were when you first met. Alcohol affects a person’s way of thinking and usually it alters the way of thinking.

You can live together in a home without any contact if that is how you want to live. This is a horrible way to live especially if you are starved for love and affection. It is very possible to co-exist in one home and never have any contact with each other. If you want an alcoholic roommate, this is what you will have. There are not many people that can live like this and be happy. You will still have the aggravation associated with living with an alcoholic, but you just will not be able to help.

Try to talk to him or her when the time is right. See if there is any hope of establishing a new relationship. See if the person wants a relationship. Most alcoholics do not care for anyone but themselves. All they need is alcohol and maybe a place to sleep. They do not need a bed companion or a housekeeper. They really do not need anyone. You have to adjust or live with the feelings of loneliness. You have a hard decision to make if you stay in the relationship.

If you have kids, it makes it harder. You want the kids to have both parents, but if the parent that is drinking does not want to be a part of the kid’s life, they will suffer as well. Kids are impressionable and need stability with one or two parents rather than with one parent and one that does not want anything to do with them. You have to think about the kids and yourself. You have to know what is important to everyone.

XXXXX

Word count 696

Friends and Family Can Help with Alcoholic Problems

You do not have to go it alone. You can join a support group and talk with family and friends about what you are living with. It is important that you are not alone in what you are living with. If you think that it will make people feel differently about the person, you may be right, but then again, the alcoholic does not care anyway. You need to have someone to talk to or confide in if you do not join a support group. You would be surprised at how many friends and family already know that there is a problem.

Talk to your family about the problem. You need the support of your family to make it when you live with an alcoholic. They can offer advice and support, but also they will know what you are going through. Some of your family made be understanding sand some may be a bit skeptic about the problem. It is not unusual for family members to be in denial as much as the alcoholic is if they think that he or she is the greatest. You still need to let everyone know what is happening.

Talk to your friends about the problem. Many times a friend can see things that you cannot. Sometimes they already know, but did not want to say anything until you brought it up for conversations. If you do talk with friends, you have to make sure that they are not going to gossip about the situation, which could make matters worst. You can talk to close friends that understand. Maybe they have even been in the same situation. This can help you more than you think. If you do not or cannot join a group, the friends and family are the next best thing to have supporting you.

Talk to his or her family about the problem only if you feel that they care about it. The same goes for his or her friends. Since you can talk to your friends and family, it would be nice if you could talk to his or her family. This can be a touchy area, as most families do not want to admit that their family member has a drinking problem. If you can find just one member of the family or just one friend, you can talk to them for help and support. Sometimes they can help by talking to the family member when you are not around.

You need to have family and friends that can support you if you want to live with an alcoholic. This is the only way that you will be able to stay sane. If you have an abusive relationship when the person is drinking, you need to have someone that knows what is going on in your home. It is always better to talk to a support group, but for some reason, that might not be an option for you. They may even be able to help you if you need to get away for a while and breathe easy for a few days.

Be open and honest. If things are not good, explain this and ask for suggestions. Many times, it is easier to hide behind the scenes and not say anything. Unfortunately, this is not a good idea. If you live with an alcoholic, you have to have support and someone that knows what you are going through. This is important if something would happen to you or the alcoholic. Even if you think that nothing could ever happen, you are wrong. Someone that drinks and for long periods, does not always think rationally or even know what they do.

Never ask a family or friend to talk to the alcoholic unless they know the person better than you do. This could make him or her upset with you, but it might help if they have a respect for that person. Living with an alcoholic is not easy and you will find times that you even make mistakes, but you are only trying to help and some day he or she may be able to see that.

XXXXX

Word Count 697