Tag: Love

Offer Love and Conversation to the Alcoholic

If you live with an alcoholic, you want to offer love and conversation when they are not drinking. Trying this when they are drinking may be harder to do since you never know what their mood is or how they will react. You have to have an open line of communication even if the person is an alcoholic. You should not try talking about anything important when they are drinking, but engage is light conversation and leave the heavy discussions for when they are sober. Then you can have a friendly conversation. Just show them some love and hope that they like that better than what they get when they drink.

If the alcoholic is not a mean drunk, you can offer love. This of course depends on the mood of the alcoholic when he is drinking. Some alcoholics are mellow drunks, but even the mildest mannered alcoholic can switch moods just like that without warning. It can be like a roller coaster. One minute they can be sweet and loving and the next screaming at you because you said something that they did not like. This is a pattern with most alcoholics. You never know what you can say or do. It can change from day to day or even minute to minute.

When the alcoholic is not drinking, engage in conversation and try to touch on the drinking. This is the only time you have to discuss drinking. In most cases, they will tell you that they do not have a problem. They do not see it the same way that you do. You could point out a few things that they do when they drink and hope that they remember. You can tell them how it makes you feel when they have to drink all the time. It probably will not help them, but it can help you.

Explain that you want to care about them and do not want to see something bad happen. You can pour out your feelings and at least let them know how you feel, but chances are, they will only quick drinking for a few days and then start hiding it from you. This is common with alcoholics. If they know that you do not want them to drink, they will find ways to do it and hide it. It would not be uncommon to find empties in cupboards, down in the basement or out in the garage.

Talk about the future and things you would like to do. Make it clear that you want to enjoy a life with them, but you want them to be around for it. Make it clear that you are not really happy with the ways things are, but you would like to help make a change. Never tell them that they have to change, make it a change for both of you. You may not need to change, but telling them that is not going to mean a thing. You have to tell them that you will change with them.

Explain some of the health risks that you discovered. This may be one thing that could help. If they do not want to die at a young age, they may think about what you have to say. Of course, if they do not feel as if they have a problem, you could be talking to deaf ears. You can still try. Maybe if they see or feel some symptoms, they will think about what you said.

Try not to get upset or yell. Engage in a light conversation and if you feel yourself getting upset, take a moment to collect your thoughts. The last thing the alcoholic wants to do is listen to you yell at them. If you do not walk away and calm down, they might just leave and find somewhere to drink. This will defeat the purpose of your talk. You have to be on eggshells when you live with an alcoholic if you want to help them. You can be caring when you talk, but do not expect that in return from the alcoholic. That may come over time.

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Living with the Lies and Deceit from the Alcoholic

Living with an alcoholic can be hard enough with the drinking, but if the alcoholic also lies and is deceitful, it can makes things worst. You have to wonder which part of the conversation is a lie and which part is the truth. You may find out things that you wish you never heard, but the truth is that an alcoholic can lie and not even bat an eyelash. Not all alcoholics are deceitful and lie, but most are at some point in their lives. You really have to be strong to live with an alcoholic. You have to be in love to go through all of the problems that come with an alcoholic.

The lies can hurt more than the alcohol addiction. This depends on the type of lies, but if it is about relationships, you can become bitter and may even want to leave the person. The alcoholic can lie about money, work, other relationships or just about every day happenings. You are left behind when the alcoholic lies and tries to hide things from you. The sad thing about this is that you always find out about the lies and when you confront them, they act as if you have loss your mind. In most cases, this is exactly how you feel.

The deceit is something that the alcoholic is good at doing. They can tell you one thing and be doing another. They always feel that they are right and you are wrong. What they do is not deceitful because they are not doing anything wrong. After you live like for a few years, you begin to wonder why you live like this. You want answers, but chances are the answer would be a lie anyway. After time, the alcoholic has told so many lies that he or she honestly believes the lies and the truth fades into the background.

Sometimes the person will steal if they need money for a drink. This is a problem for any family. There always seems that the money goes fast enough without having someone take it for alcohol. You have to keep your money safe and place somewhere where no one but you knows where it is when you need it. This way of living is not healthy, but if you want to live with the alcoholic, you have to keep the money safe.

You have to make your own decisions whether to stay or leave. With all the lies and deceit, you can become withdrawn and start to doubt yourself. You wonder about your self-worth. Your self-esteem is affected. You wonder if this is all your life is going to be. Are you just on this earth to live with a person that drinks, steals and lies? You need someone to talk to that can reassure you that you are a great person. The person that lives with the alcoholic can become very depressed because of the lies and deceit.

You need to have someone to talk to so that you do not feel alone. If the alcoholic does lie, chances are that your friends and family already know that there is trouble. You need to take care of yourself and forget about everything else if you start doubting yourself. If you feel as if you are losing your mind, you need help. The person that drinks can make you feel as if it is you that is losing your mind and they are not the one telling a lie. This is very hard to take. You need help for yourself.

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Living With the Alcoholic That Pushes You Away

An alcoholic can push the person that loves them away. They only need the alcohol and not you. They can become distant and cold. If you love this person, it can be hard to live with or accept. You have to watch the person move farther away from you while you sit and watch. Soon, you are so far back in line that you feel as if you are all alone with no one in your life. This can happen to even the most loving couples. Alcohol does something to the brain and the body that changes a person. They withdrawal from reality and live in their own little world without you.

Never force yourself on the alcoholic if they do not want to be close to you. If the person you love does not want you, there is nothing you can do to change it. The person is not going to change their mind just because you are trying to make things work. You should never try to be with an alcoholic that does not want anything to do with you. This can anger them and makes things unpleasant for both of you. You have to keep your distance and if they want you near, they will tell you. The hardest part is waiting.

Ask for help from a counselor or from a support group. You will start to feel all alone and you need help accepting what is happening to your relationship. Support groups can help you talk things through before you start to doubt yourself. There are people that have experienced the same thing and can help you. They can tell you how it affected them and learn what they did to cope. You can talk about anything because the group is there for you and everyone else. There is always someone that is experiencing the same thing that you are or they have in the past.

Do not feel as if it is your fault that the alcoholic does not want you. Yes, you may have changed, but you have to change when you live with an alcoholic. You are not any less lovable, it is the person that chooses to drink that makes the decisions and you cannot change his or her mind. Just because one person does not want you does not mean that you are any less the person you were when you first met. Alcohol affects a person’s way of thinking and usually it alters the way of thinking.

You can live together in a home without any contact if that is how you want to live. This is a horrible way to live especially if you are starved for love and affection. It is very possible to co-exist in one home and never have any contact with each other. If you want an alcoholic roommate, this is what you will have. There are not many people that can live like this and be happy. You will still have the aggravation associated with living with an alcoholic, but you just will not be able to help.

Try to talk to him or her when the time is right. See if there is any hope of establishing a new relationship. See if the person wants a relationship. Most alcoholics do not care for anyone but themselves. All they need is alcohol and maybe a place to sleep. They do not need a bed companion or a housekeeper. They really do not need anyone. You have to adjust or live with the feelings of loneliness. You have a hard decision to make if you stay in the relationship.

If you have kids, it makes it harder. You want the kids to have both parents, but if the parent that is drinking does not want to be a part of the kid’s life, they will suffer as well. Kids are impressionable and need stability with one or two parents rather than with one parent and one that does not want anything to do with them. You have to think about the kids and yourself. You have to know what is important to everyone.

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Living with an Alcoholic That Says I’m Sorry

When you live with an alcoholic that always apologizes for hurting you, eventually the apologies do not mean much. If the person continues to do the things that they keep saying their sorry for, you have to wonder if they ever meant one word of the apology. This is a common feeling. You can only listen to apologies so many times before you start to think that it is a programmed response that has no meaning. Alcoholics are great at saying that they are sorry, but they have a hard time not doing the same thing again. When you love someone, this is hard to understand.

The first time something happens, they will be sorry the next day. This is because they have sober up and more than likely, they have a memory of what they have done or you have told them. They will be sweet and apologetic because they truly are sorry. However, they can promise it will never happen again, but when they drink, they have no control over what they do. It can happen again. This time it might be a little worst then the first time. After the first time, you felt content to believe them, but if it happens again, you have to think about whether or not they really meant it.

Once it happens again, and they say they are sorry, you have to start wondering when it will happen again and again. This is the hardest part of living with an alcoholic. You never know for sure if they mean anything that they say. You start to doubt their love for you and wonder why they never lash out at anyone else. Sometimes they do, but it is rare for an alcoholic to just go off on someone that did not provoke them, accept you.

Then you start to wonder if they will ever say they are sorry and mean it. This is the worst feeling in the world. You are doubting their sincerity and you start to doubt other things that they say to you including that fact that they love you. You start to think how they could do this to you repeatedly if they did love you. Now, you not only live with an alcoholic, you live with the doubt. This can eat away at you to no end. This is when the trust starts to fade.

After years of hearing sorry, you just do not believe them anymore. You doubt every word they say to you and you cannot believe anything that they say to you. The home is no longer a home. It turns into a prison that you made for yourself. You now have more confusion and do not know what to do. You still care for the person, but you wonder if you could ever love that person again. The times of happiness are gone and all you are left with is drinking and broken promises.

You lose all hope and feel all alone. You want to leave, but you feel as if you owe the person something. You can become withdrawn and hopeless. You may even wonder why you should be the only responsible and sober person in the home. You start to feel all alone with no one to turn to for help. You look for answers, but you find emptiness. You wonder what to do next. Your life has not turned out as you expected it to when you first met the person and you need happiness to live. You turn to someone else or you turn to the same demon that took the love from you.

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