Tag: Counselor

Living With the Alcoholic That Pushes You Away

An alcoholic can push the person that loves them away. They only need the alcohol and not you. They can become distant and cold. If you love this person, it can be hard to live with or accept. You have to watch the person move farther away from you while you sit and watch. Soon, you are so far back in line that you feel as if you are all alone with no one in your life. This can happen to even the most loving couples. Alcohol does something to the brain and the body that changes a person. They withdrawal from reality and live in their own little world without you.

Never force yourself on the alcoholic if they do not want to be close to you. If the person you love does not want you, there is nothing you can do to change it. The person is not going to change their mind just because you are trying to make things work. You should never try to be with an alcoholic that does not want anything to do with you. This can anger them and makes things unpleasant for both of you. You have to keep your distance and if they want you near, they will tell you. The hardest part is waiting.

Ask for help from a counselor or from a support group. You will start to feel all alone and you need help accepting what is happening to your relationship. Support groups can help you talk things through before you start to doubt yourself. There are people that have experienced the same thing and can help you. They can tell you how it affected them and learn what they did to cope. You can talk about anything because the group is there for you and everyone else. There is always someone that is experiencing the same thing that you are or they have in the past.

Do not feel as if it is your fault that the alcoholic does not want you. Yes, you may have changed, but you have to change when you live with an alcoholic. You are not any less lovable, it is the person that chooses to drink that makes the decisions and you cannot change his or her mind. Just because one person does not want you does not mean that you are any less the person you were when you first met. Alcohol affects a person’s way of thinking and usually it alters the way of thinking.

You can live together in a home without any contact if that is how you want to live. This is a horrible way to live especially if you are starved for love and affection. It is very possible to co-exist in one home and never have any contact with each other. If you want an alcoholic roommate, this is what you will have. There are not many people that can live like this and be happy. You will still have the aggravation associated with living with an alcoholic, but you just will not be able to help.

Try to talk to him or her when the time is right. See if there is any hope of establishing a new relationship. See if the person wants a relationship. Most alcoholics do not care for anyone but themselves. All they need is alcohol and maybe a place to sleep. They do not need a bed companion or a housekeeper. They really do not need anyone. You have to adjust or live with the feelings of loneliness. You have a hard decision to make if you stay in the relationship.

If you have kids, it makes it harder. You want the kids to have both parents, but if the parent that is drinking does not want to be a part of the kid’s life, they will suffer as well. Kids are impressionable and need stability with one or two parents rather than with one parent and one that does not want anything to do with them. You have to think about the kids and yourself. You have to know what is important to everyone.

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Join Al-Anon When You Live With an Alcoholic

Living with an alcoholic can be trying and unnerving, but you can join a group for support. Al-non is a great help to family members of the alcoholic. There are people in the group that are in the same situations as you are and they are there for support. Everyone supports each other. In some cases, you find out that some of the members have the exact same problems as you do. You learn how they are handling their loved one. They can offer guidance and advice that everyone can use if they live with an alcoholic. This is important to survive.

Guest speakers make appearances at Al-Anon group meetings. Family members and even alcohol counselor take time to visit the Al-Anon meetings to discuss issues that the group has with anything. They can explain things to you that may help you understand why this is happening to you. They are supportive and will not tell you that this is not about you. They know this is about you as well as the alcoholic. They tell stories and share everything they know about the disease with the group. They can help you cope with living with someone you love that has a drinking problem.

Survivors of alcohol disease speak to you. This can be a sad group meeting. Sometimes life does not work out the way you want it to, no matter how hard you try. Survivors of alcoholism tell you there stories. They share with you stories about their families and how they hurt their families and how they feel now. You will here stories about how they loss their families because of the disease. It can be a saddening story, but it helps you understand. They are honest and speak the truth to you. This is something that you might not be used to hearing from the alcoholic in your life.

You learn from each other. When you join Al-Anon, you have the opportunity to talk about your life living with a person that drinks too much. You can hear others talk about things that happen in their lives. This lets you know that you are not alone. Each person in the group has a chance to talk if they want. You are not pressured to talk, but the option is always there. At first, you might just listen, but then you will want to tell your story and people will listen. It will not be like talking to the alcoholic that never hears you.

Support groups are the only way to make it. If you try to go it alone, you can create your own health issues. Al-Anon is confidential and no one is going to say anything outside of the group. You can ask for help. You need help. You cannot live with an alcoholic without support. It is not healthy for yourself or any children you may have. You need to hear what others do to survive an alcoholic friend or family member. You are not alone and you have to remember that.

You learn how to handle the alcoholic. Some people that drink can become violent or disruptive. You need to have an outlet and Al-Anon gives you that outlet. You can talk about the problems and ask others for ways to handle the situation. You can try to go without a group to help you, but if you have nowhere to vent, you maybe inclined to vent to the alcoholic, which could aggravate any already bad situation. The group can help you. They can make suggestions that might help you.

If you are living with an alcoholic, you need some support that cannot come from family and friends. You need a group such as Al-Anon, where everyone there is has a friend or family member that is just like yours. They can offer you support and advice, which will be positive and not negative. The group has guest speakers that might even include reformed alcoholics and their families. This is where you hear about the other side of the spectrum. You hear how an alcoholic feels after he or she has received help and quit drinking. You hear what their families have to say. This helps you.

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Help the Alcoholic before They Hit Bottom

If you know that the drinking problem is getting way out of control, you should get help for the alcoholic before they hit bottom. This means that you have to take matters into your own hands and talk to someone that can help. This will more than likely be a counselor or a doctor. You will need to get the person into treatment before it is too late. This sounds easy to do, but they are not going to go with you, you will have to have them committed to a hospital or treatment program. This is why covering up for the alcoholic is so wrong. You need people to know the problems for support.

If things are bad, you are scared, and things are out of control, ask for help. Committing the person to a hospital to dry out and have some sessions with a counselor or a doctor is the only way to stop the drinking. There are treatment plans that work very well and the person is never alone. They are always with someone so that they can talk about things. This is the best thing that can happen for both of you. Treatments for alcoholism are intense and they can deal with the withdrawals.

If the health of the alcoholic is in danger, you will need to take steps to get them help. Sometimes an alcoholic will become depressed and withdrawn. You must get them help before they do something stupid or that they will regret. You are the strong one at this time and you must step up and take charge. You will want someone to help you when you take the person to a treatment center. If they refuse to go, you can always ask for help from the police.

This is the hardest thing to do. The reason you are doing it is because you care about the person and you just cannot live this way anymore. It will be hard because you will miss the person, but you have to remember that when they are done is treatment, you will have the person you love back again. Life will not be as it was. This is when you have to remember that it is best for them and the rest of the family. You have to be firm, but not abusive. Yelling is not going to help. Get help if you need it to avoid any problems.

You will feel alone and they will not want anything to do with you right away. This is one of the hardest pats of committing someone for treatment. You just sit and cry because you feel so horrible. However, you have to remember why you did it. You have to tell yourself that you did it because it can help them and bring them back to you. You have to be strong. This would be a good time to visit a group such as Al-Anon and talk with others about how you feel. It does help easy the pain and loss of a mate.

In the end, they will dry out and be happy to be with you again. Once the initial shock is gone and the alcoholic is done with withdraws, they will want to see you. It may take some time, but they do finally clear their minds and want you. They remember your good times together and want you. You can then begin the healing process and start looking ahead. They have to want to move forward, so way for them to tell you when the time is right.

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