Tag: Alcoholic

Never Make Excuses for the Alcoholic

When you live with an alcoholic, you need to put up with a lot. The one thing that you should never do is may excuses for their actions or their drinking. You have to tell the truth, but in some cases, just not saying anything is better. If you make excuses for what an alcoholic does or why he or she drinks, you are just helping them keep on drinking and not taking responsibility for their actions. Sometimes it may be easier to make excuses than admit the true, but it just compounds the problem. One way to think about it is that if you have nothing truthful to stay, then just say nothing.

Excuses make you look bad. When you make excuses for why someone drinks, you are not helping them at all. In fact, when you make these excuses to someone else, they look at you differently. They wonder why you would make excuses for someone’s attitude or drinking. If you have ever joined a group for family members of an alcoholic, you would be told that it is unacceptable to make excuses for any reason. This just helps the alcoholic keep drinking without taking responsibility for their actions.

Never hide the problem or you will enable the alcoholic to continue to fool everyone. This can cause more problems. If one day, the person you have protected and made excuses fro does something that is really bad, no one would believe you because you helped them hide behind excuses. You have to remember that if you want people to believe in you, you have to be honest and not lie or make excuses for the person the drinks. If someone asks you a question, answer it truthfully and never make an excuse.

If you are abused in some way, never cover up this fact. Many men and women have done this every day that they lived with an alcoholic and ended up regretting it. Women, especially can be abused and live with it. However, if one day, the man in your life decides to take the abuse one-step farther and you protect yourself, who would believe you. You had spent all your time covering up for what they did that no one would believe that this person could do this. You have to be honest and not cover up the abuse. You need to tell someone that can help you.

After the fight is over and he or she wakes up, do not be afraid to tell them once again what they have done. Many alcoholics do not remember what they did the next day when they wake up. Some even remember and feel remorse. Letting them off the hook for their actions will only make it okay the next time. They will know that whatever they do is okay because you will forget and forgive without a second thought. Make them understand what they did and how it has to stop. This is always a good time to mention that they need professional help.

If they miss work, you cannot keep making excuses. Many people with drinking problems have problems making it to work every day. Eventually they will have to explain to their boss why they are missing work. If you are asked to call into work for them because they just do not feel good from drinking the night before, the answer you give should be no, do it yourself. If they are going to keep drinking it is going to keep happening and sooner or later, you will be judged because you helped that person lie to get out of work.

Take control of your life and distance yourself from the fighting and messes that the person makes. This is hard to do especially if you love the person. Living with an alcoholic in your life is never easy. You have to avoid the fights and stay out of any messes that the person may get himself or herself into because of their drinking. Alcoholics will mess up more than once and they will always apologize, but the next time they take a drink, they forget and do it all over again.

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Never Accuse the Alcoholic of Being an Alcoholic

If you live with someone that drinks, the last thing you should do is accuse him or her of being an alcoholic. Not only will you lose the debate, but they will become upset and in some cases, verbally, physically or mentally abusive. An alcoholic has to be the one to admit that they have a problem and there is no one else that can tell them any different. They will not listen to you no matter what you say. You might mention that the drinking is getting out of hand, but they may not think that there is a problem.

A never-ending fight is all you will have. If you accuse the alcoholic of drinking too much, they will defend themselves to no avail. They will insist that it is you that has problems and whatever else they can think of to say. You will never win the battle in this case. If you live with an alcoholic, you will need a support group such an Al-Anon to help you. You need to talk with others that are going through the same thing as you. The problems will not go away until the alcoholic decides that they have a problem.

They can make you believe that they have not been drinking and they even believe it. This is common when you live with an alcoholic. They can hide their drinking because you accuse them of drinking. Then when you accuse them of drinking or you find the empties, they will tell you that those are from months ago, even though you know better. The horrible truth is that the alcoholic believes what he or she is saying to you and can sound so convincing. This is how they make you doubt yourself.

You will only start an argument if you continue to accuse him or her of being an alcoholic. This is a problem for anyone that lives with an alcoholic. You want to make them see what they are doing, but all you will succeed in doing is making them defensive and lie more. When the person is not drinking, you could mention the problem, but chances are they are going to deny any wrong doings. They can be very secretive and deceitful when it comes to drinking. They will do anything to drink and you will not stop them.

They will not want to hear what you have to say even when they are sober. An alcoholic that thinks that they do not have a problem may not listen to you even when they are sober. They are sober so how could they have a problem. They can make you feel as if you are imaging a problem or even looking for reasons to start a fight. You will never win. However, you cannot let this fool you. You know there is a problem and you have to keep on top of everything.

There will come a day, when they will do something that will make them think about there drinking. Unfortunately, they will only be good for a short time. If they break something or hurt you, they will be sorry and make promises. Unfortunately, this is only a short-term fix. They are not going to stop drinking. They may slow down for a while until the urge takes over a gain. Then it will be back to the same thing all over again until the next time.

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Living With the Alcoholic That Pushes You Away

An alcoholic can push the person that loves them away. They only need the alcohol and not you. They can become distant and cold. If you love this person, it can be hard to live with or accept. You have to watch the person move farther away from you while you sit and watch. Soon, you are so far back in line that you feel as if you are all alone with no one in your life. This can happen to even the most loving couples. Alcohol does something to the brain and the body that changes a person. They withdrawal from reality and live in their own little world without you.

Never force yourself on the alcoholic if they do not want to be close to you. If the person you love does not want you, there is nothing you can do to change it. The person is not going to change their mind just because you are trying to make things work. You should never try to be with an alcoholic that does not want anything to do with you. This can anger them and makes things unpleasant for both of you. You have to keep your distance and if they want you near, they will tell you. The hardest part is waiting.

Ask for help from a counselor or from a support group. You will start to feel all alone and you need help accepting what is happening to your relationship. Support groups can help you talk things through before you start to doubt yourself. There are people that have experienced the same thing and can help you. They can tell you how it affected them and learn what they did to cope. You can talk about anything because the group is there for you and everyone else. There is always someone that is experiencing the same thing that you are or they have in the past.

Do not feel as if it is your fault that the alcoholic does not want you. Yes, you may have changed, but you have to change when you live with an alcoholic. You are not any less lovable, it is the person that chooses to drink that makes the decisions and you cannot change his or her mind. Just because one person does not want you does not mean that you are any less the person you were when you first met. Alcohol affects a person’s way of thinking and usually it alters the way of thinking.

You can live together in a home without any contact if that is how you want to live. This is a horrible way to live especially if you are starved for love and affection. It is very possible to co-exist in one home and never have any contact with each other. If you want an alcoholic roommate, this is what you will have. There are not many people that can live like this and be happy. You will still have the aggravation associated with living with an alcoholic, but you just will not be able to help.

Try to talk to him or her when the time is right. See if there is any hope of establishing a new relationship. See if the person wants a relationship. Most alcoholics do not care for anyone but themselves. All they need is alcohol and maybe a place to sleep. They do not need a bed companion or a housekeeper. They really do not need anyone. You have to adjust or live with the feelings of loneliness. You have a hard decision to make if you stay in the relationship.

If you have kids, it makes it harder. You want the kids to have both parents, but if the parent that is drinking does not want to be a part of the kid’s life, they will suffer as well. Kids are impressionable and need stability with one or two parents rather than with one parent and one that does not want anything to do with them. You have to think about the kids and yourself. You have to know what is important to everyone.

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How to Help an Alcoholic Stop Drinking

If the person that you live with wants to stop drinking, you have to help as well. When an alcoholic wants to stop, you have to give up a few things that you may enjoy. The person will need your support when they are trying to stop the drinking and change. This is not easy for the person to do and you have to be the strong one again. You have to offer encouragement and not offer judgment. Judging the alcoholic that is asking for help is not going to work. You have to offer compassion and support. They are not just doing this for themselves. They are doing it for you as well.

Talk with them about what they are doing. This should be done when they are not drinking. You can calmly explain how the drinking is affecting the family. You can tell them how it has affected your children and your own feelings. In most cases, the alcoholic does not even realize what he or she has done to the family. They never take the time to see how their drinking affects anyone. All they know is that they were doing what they wanted to do.

Make sure that the person knows that you will stand by them through this time. This is probably one of the hardest things to do, but if you care about this person, you have to stand by them and offer any support that you can. If they join AA and continue to attend meetings, the 12-step program could bring up some bad memories that you do not want to hear, but you must listen and forgive or at least try. This is the hardest part of the 12-step program. It can bring back some horrible memories that could be very upsetting.

Offer to stop drinking in front of them if you drink. This is important until the alcoholic feels comfortable with what they are accomplishing. If the person is trying to refrain from drinking and attending meetings, you do not want to be drinking in front of him or her. You have to make some changes as well. You cannot sit and drink even a few cocktails in front of them because the urge to drink for them will be strong until they learn how to control those urges. They may have an urge and slip, but you could offer help there as well.

Offer to be with them whenever they feel a need to drink. If they feel the urge to drink coming, you can be there for the person. Make the thoughts and urges go away by offering to go for a walk or to take a ride. If you have never had an addiction, you cannot for a minute understand how the person feels inside. It is hard to control the urge if the person has been drinking for so long. Do something or go to a diner for a few coffees and just talk.

When the person wants to drink, think of something else the two of you could do instead. This is the best thing you could do for someone that wants to quit drinking, but is have problems with it. You have to be strong and offer to listen or just sit and hold their hand. You have to be supportive and do whatever you can to make sure that they have another option to drinking. It is not easy to overcome an addiction, but with your support and the help of a group or treatment, they can succeed.

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