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Talking to Children about the Alcoholic Parent

Living with an alcoholic is even more difficult when you have kids that are seeing this display. It is hard to explain to kids why one parent has to drink and not do anything with the family. In many cases, kids ask questions that need to be answered and you have a hard time doing it. You do not want them to hate the parent that drinks, but you also do not wan them to follow in the same footsteps. They also might not want to have friends over because of the drinking. As a parent, you have to talk to the kids so that they understand.

Be honest with the kids. If they have questions, you have to give them truthful answers. You do not have to say that the parent is a drunk, but you do have to explain that drinking is a disease and the parent needs help, but is not getting it. Explaining and answering their questions can be hard. Sometimes you just want to tell them that you do not know why the person drinks, but then you are not helping them understand anything. You need to be truthful, but you also have to shield them from some things about the alcoholic.

They have friends and they do not want their friends to see a drunken parent. This can be very hard for kids to understand. This is especially hard on the kids if the other kid’s parents are the ones forbidding the kids to come to your house. Many parents do not want their kids subjected to the problems or the alcohol abuse. They are afraid of what might happen. This hard for the kids and when the other kids cannot come and play at their house, they can become lonely and depressed.

You have to be strong for the kids, but you also need to make sure that they have a good life. This can be done by being there fro them and taking them to places where they will have fun with other kids. Sometimes it is easier to let the kids play at the neighbor’s house so they are not around the drinking, but then they are not getting the attention they need from the non-drinking parent. It is hard to have kids in a home where an alcoholic resides.

Ask them how they feel and listen. You need to understand how the kids feel. They have no one to talk to but you. It is not like they can discuss their feelings with their friends. You have to be there for them and listen to how they feel. It is not uncommon for children of alcoholic parents to grow up to drink. They are learning at a young age that drinking is acceptable unless you tell them differently.

Make sure that the kids understand that this is not how people should live. You have to stress the unhealthiness of drinking. You are the teacher and you have to make sure that the kids do not grow up thinking that this way of living is all there is for them. If you need help talking to a child, support groups and even a church minister can help. Children of alcoholic parents need to have some structure in their life outside of the home. You have to make sure that the kids are happy and well cared for so that they grow up to be well-adjusted adults even if you live with an alcoholic.

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Protect the Children from Alcohol Abuse

If you have children in the home, you must protect them from alcohol abuse. These means that they have to be protected form the alcohol and the alcoholic that may be abusive. Kids are very impressionable and learn from what they see or what is done to them. You have to be the one to break the cycle. If you do not protect the children from the abuse no matter if it is physical or because they see a parent drinking, they could grow up with the same tendencies. As a parent or even a friend, you must step in and prevent any problems before they start.

Kids will follow in the footsteps of a parent if they do not understand the consequences. This is not always true, but in most cases, it is what happens. Even if a child does not take after the parent, they may grow up to accept this type of behavior and put their own lives in danger or have nothing but heartache. You have to protect the children so that they know that this is not the way to live. However, sometimes this can be hard to do if you want to remain in the home.

If there is abuse in the home because of alcohol, you need to shield the kids from this abuse. If the abuse is physical, mental or verbal, kids should not have to live with it. it the abuse is watching their parent drink themselves into a drunken state, they need to know that this is not how people should live. As a parent, you have to make a decision whether to stay or take you children somewhere else where they will not be subjected to the abusive behavior or have to watch mom or dad drink themselves to death.

Never tell the kids that drinking is just something you do. It is not something that you just do. They need to understand that alcoholism is a disease that can have devastating affects on the person the family. This is important for children to understand. This does not mean that telling them that their parent is a loser or a bad person. You have to be truthful without being demeaning to the parent with the problem. Children are smart and will know that other families do live as you do.

You may need to leave the home for a while if the drinking leads to abusive behavior. This is the only way to protect the children and make sure that they do not grow up thinking that this is acceptable behavior. You also do not want to keep them in an abusive home. Not all alcoholics drink all the time, but even so, the kids should not be subjected to any abusive behavior from a parent. They also should be told that drinking is all right. As they grow up, they would stand a good chance of following in the footsteps of the alcoholic parent.

Take the kids to Al-Anon so that they have someone other than you to talk with. This is very important so that the kids have someone to talk to and listen to other kids in the same situation. If they have somewhere to go with others their age, it could help them understand what is happening and how to cope with their home life. It can also help them understand if you have to leave the home.

Talk with the kids if they have questions. You have to be honest without being judgmental. The kids will understand more if you talk to them instead of trying to hide the problem. Kids today, know more than what parents knew when they were kids and they see and hear things that they probably should not. This is the reason that you must be honest. Never badmouth the alcoholic parent because the kids could resent you.

When you are talking to the kids, ask them if they have questions and try to answer them the best you can. You can also expect to be asked why mom or dad yells at them or why the person has to do the things that he or she does. Answer honestly and try to help them understand.

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Offer Love and Conversation to the Alcoholic

If you live with an alcoholic, you want to offer love and conversation when they are not drinking. Trying this when they are drinking may be harder to do since you never know what their mood is or how they will react. You have to have an open line of communication even if the person is an alcoholic. You should not try talking about anything important when they are drinking, but engage is light conversation and leave the heavy discussions for when they are sober. Then you can have a friendly conversation. Just show them some love and hope that they like that better than what they get when they drink.

If the alcoholic is not a mean drunk, you can offer love. This of course depends on the mood of the alcoholic when he is drinking. Some alcoholics are mellow drunks, but even the mildest mannered alcoholic can switch moods just like that without warning. It can be like a roller coaster. One minute they can be sweet and loving and the next screaming at you because you said something that they did not like. This is a pattern with most alcoholics. You never know what you can say or do. It can change from day to day or even minute to minute.

When the alcoholic is not drinking, engage in conversation and try to touch on the drinking. This is the only time you have to discuss drinking. In most cases, they will tell you that they do not have a problem. They do not see it the same way that you do. You could point out a few things that they do when they drink and hope that they remember. You can tell them how it makes you feel when they have to drink all the time. It probably will not help them, but it can help you.

Explain that you want to care about them and do not want to see something bad happen. You can pour out your feelings and at least let them know how you feel, but chances are, they will only quick drinking for a few days and then start hiding it from you. This is common with alcoholics. If they know that you do not want them to drink, they will find ways to do it and hide it. It would not be uncommon to find empties in cupboards, down in the basement or out in the garage.

Talk about the future and things you would like to do. Make it clear that you want to enjoy a life with them, but you want them to be around for it. Make it clear that you are not really happy with the ways things are, but you would like to help make a change. Never tell them that they have to change, make it a change for both of you. You may not need to change, but telling them that is not going to mean a thing. You have to tell them that you will change with them.

Explain some of the health risks that you discovered. This may be one thing that could help. If they do not want to die at a young age, they may think about what you have to say. Of course, if they do not feel as if they have a problem, you could be talking to deaf ears. You can still try. Maybe if they see or feel some symptoms, they will think about what you said.

Try not to get upset or yell. Engage in a light conversation and if you feel yourself getting upset, take a moment to collect your thoughts. The last thing the alcoholic wants to do is listen to you yell at them. If you do not walk away and calm down, they might just leave and find somewhere to drink. This will defeat the purpose of your talk. You have to be on eggshells when you live with an alcoholic if you want to help them. You can be caring when you talk, but do not expect that in return from the alcoholic. That may come over time.

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Never Make Excuses for the Alcoholic

When you live with an alcoholic, you need to put up with a lot. The one thing that you should never do is may excuses for their actions or their drinking. You have to tell the truth, but in some cases, just not saying anything is better. If you make excuses for what an alcoholic does or why he or she drinks, you are just helping them keep on drinking and not taking responsibility for their actions. Sometimes it may be easier to make excuses than admit the true, but it just compounds the problem. One way to think about it is that if you have nothing truthful to stay, then just say nothing.

Excuses make you look bad. When you make excuses for why someone drinks, you are not helping them at all. In fact, when you make these excuses to someone else, they look at you differently. They wonder why you would make excuses for someone’s attitude or drinking. If you have ever joined a group for family members of an alcoholic, you would be told that it is unacceptable to make excuses for any reason. This just helps the alcoholic keep drinking without taking responsibility for their actions.

Never hide the problem or you will enable the alcoholic to continue to fool everyone. This can cause more problems. If one day, the person you have protected and made excuses fro does something that is really bad, no one would believe you because you helped them hide behind excuses. You have to remember that if you want people to believe in you, you have to be honest and not lie or make excuses for the person the drinks. If someone asks you a question, answer it truthfully and never make an excuse.

If you are abused in some way, never cover up this fact. Many men and women have done this every day that they lived with an alcoholic and ended up regretting it. Women, especially can be abused and live with it. However, if one day, the man in your life decides to take the abuse one-step farther and you protect yourself, who would believe you. You had spent all your time covering up for what they did that no one would believe that this person could do this. You have to be honest and not cover up the abuse. You need to tell someone that can help you.

After the fight is over and he or she wakes up, do not be afraid to tell them once again what they have done. Many alcoholics do not remember what they did the next day when they wake up. Some even remember and feel remorse. Letting them off the hook for their actions will only make it okay the next time. They will know that whatever they do is okay because you will forget and forgive without a second thought. Make them understand what they did and how it has to stop. This is always a good time to mention that they need professional help.

If they miss work, you cannot keep making excuses. Many people with drinking problems have problems making it to work every day. Eventually they will have to explain to their boss why they are missing work. If you are asked to call into work for them because they just do not feel good from drinking the night before, the answer you give should be no, do it yourself. If they are going to keep drinking it is going to keep happening and sooner or later, you will be judged because you helped that person lie to get out of work.

Take control of your life and distance yourself from the fighting and messes that the person makes. This is hard to do especially if you love the person. Living with an alcoholic in your life is never easy. You have to avoid the fights and stay out of any messes that the person may get himself or herself into because of their drinking. Alcoholics will mess up more than once and they will always apologize, but the next time they take a drink, they forget and do it all over again.

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